Annette Lareau - Class Differences in Family Life (Video and Article)

Showing this 6 minute video in my Social Stratification class today. Annette Lareau talks about her research on class differences in family life.

Click here for a related article in The Atlantic, "Explaining Annette Lareau, or, Why Parenting Style Ensures Inequality."

"Adventures" at Age 41

For the most part, I lead an unexciting life. I don't see that as a bad thing. The waters are mostly calm. My life is a good one. Last week, I participated in a 5k race that turned into a 4+ mile race. Most of us in the race were led in the wrong direction by someone's mistake, and we ran extra. I can't handle much more than 3 miles, so every extra step was a little painful. Thinking about it a week later, I'm glad I was unintentionally pushed to run more than I expected. It turned out to be a good physical challenge. You can't put much stock in the results of the race, because some of us ran a different course than others, but for what it's worth I finished second place in the 40-44 age group. I was even awarded a medal. I'll take it.

A few days after the race, I was walking alongside my 6-year-old as he tried out skateboarding. I never learned to skateboard so I don't have much to offer in the way of instruction. I did my best to show him a few times how it might be done, but I was really just guessing. I don't belong on a skateboard, a fact that became more obvious when the skateboard flew out from under me. I fell hard on my back on a concrete surface. My first thought was "I'm not sure I can get up." I played rugby for seven years during college and grad school and for all the crushing hits I endured in that time I'm not sure the thought ever occurred to me that I couldn't get up from the ground. Well, I got up, and luckily wasn't injured. I then mumbled "Know your limits" which was just a message to myself. So that's the end of my skateboarding career.

Some friends came over last night, guys I've known for around 30 years of my life. We had some beers and tossed around memories, which works for me. I definitely enjoy drinking beers on a beautiful summer day in the comfort of old friends. Some of our stories went way back to high school. Meanwhile, all of our kids were running around my backyard playing together. It was awesome to see our kids having fun together. I threw dogs and burgers on the grill and was happy not to screw anything up. I'm not known for my grill skills.

On an adventure scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the most adventurous, I probably score a 1.7 in this life. Like I've written before, I pretty much live an unfabulous life. All told, I am fortunate to live such a good life.

A Good Day in the Life

5:50 a.m. Time to wake up, little Mack is ready to start the day. Ten minutes later, Troy comes down the stairs. I convince him to go back to bed for a few more minutes. By 6:30, Tina's up to get ready for work. She makes pancakes for Troy and is out the door by 8:00. Mack is already tired because getting up at 5:50 doesn't agree with him, but he does it every morning anyway. I put him down for a nap by 8:30. Troy and I make scrambled eggs, eat, then read a few books and do a few puzzles together. A little after 9:00, some guy shows up about a few home improvement projects we need completed. I thought he was coming tomorrow. No problem, Troy likes when anyone comes over, so he starts chatting up the contractor about camping and umbrellas. I'm still in my pajamas. The guy probably thinks I'm a real jerk. After he leaves, Troy watches a little TV and plays Angry Birds on the Kindle.

Mack's up around 10:30. Hmmm, what to do with a 1-year-old and 4-year-old on a 30 degree day? Yesterday we went to the library, the day before to the supermarket, what's left? The play area at the mall? Well, we did that Sunday, but I'm out of ideas. I put together a diaper bag (meaning I toss a diaper, wipes, and bottle of milk into a plastic grocery store bag) and we take off for the mall. They play for a bit and enjoy themselves. I take a picture on my cell phone. Troy looks like he's slapping Mack, but he's actually being gentle with his little brother. When they finish up, we eat lunch at the food court--Subway, lunch of champions. After our quick eats, we stroll through the mall, then head home.

I play peek-a-boo with Mack while Troy watches TV. I wash dishes, play with Mack, turn off the TV, then make sure the boys play nice together. "Be careful" I say, first to Mack, then to Troy, and realize I constantly warn them to be careful. I wonder if this will influence them to avoid risks in their adult lives, or throw caution to the wind instead. By 2:00 it's time for Mack's afternoon nap, so I put him down, then finish washing dishes, and take a Tylenol to stop the headache that's approaching. Troy and I color some pictures together. I color inside the lines, so does he. Is conformity genetic?

Mack wakes up after an hour. I microwave some peas and carrots and put him in his high chair. He throws the peas off his tray, which Troy runs over with his Batmobile. Good job, everyone. We have to leave soon because Troy has a medical appointment (another story for another time). I get ready, meaning I throw on a baseball cap. In getting the boys ready, a comedy of errors ensues. If this were a reality TV show, you'd only see the next ten minutes, with me starring in the role of the stumbling bumbling father. I get us back on track and we head out the door to meet Tina, who's meeting us directly from work.

The appointment goes well. Tina is with Troy during the appointment, while I hang out with Mack in the waiting room. Sociable Mack charms everyone for the next twenty minutes. When the appointment's done, it's dinner time. We're a parking lot away from the Anchor Bar, where chicken wings were born. Tina and I haven't been there in at least five years, so we figure what the hell, why not? Dinner is unhealthy and uneventful. Check please! Mack is ready to roll, so I take off with him while Tina settles the bill. We all meet home and get the boys ready for bed. Around 7:00, Tina puts Mack to bed while I wash bottles (a 1-year-old goes through quite a few bottles of milk in a day). Next is snack time for Troy, and the three of us relax until his 8:00 bedtime.

While Tina takes Troy upstairs and covers the bedtime routine, I work on this blog. The day is coming to a close. It's been a good day, as measured by the lack of bumps and bruises. No tantrums, no drama--I could use more days like this one! When Tina comes back downstairs, we watch a little TV and I finish up this blog. The clock strikes 9:00, and we're exhausted. Time for bed.

THE END

Author's note: this is a work of non-fiction.

Not In The Holiday Spirit (Yet)

This past weekend, on Saturday night, my wife and I got a babysitter to watch our two boys. Instead of a romantic night out (mistake #1), we took a practical route and used the night to catch up on Christmas shopping. We started with a quick meal at Generic Chain Restaurant (mistake #2), because of its proximity to stores we wanted to patronize. The food was actually decent, but the atmosphere was bland. When a group of workers gathered together to sing happy birthday to a customer (Holy restaurant cliche, Batman), I was ready to leave. We stopped at Lame Craft Store to get a few ornaments and other trinkets, then headed to Pretend Your House Is Like The Ones On HGTV Store to get a few gifts, then went to the mall to Cute And Cheap Clothes For Kids Store to pick up a few things, and ended at Very Expensive Toy Store to buy $40 Legos for our 4-year-old. My wife and I agreed that neither of us were properly in the holiday spirit. We couldn't pinpoint why. Job stress? Life stress? General holiday stress? I think maybe it has something to do with Consumption Pressure (not sure why I capitalized Consumption and Pressure, but hey, it's a blog). I made an obvious observation that you never feel like you're done shopping. It always feels like you can buy one more thing. And sometimes you have a sense that what you bought just isn't good enough. And why the hell do we spend so much time buying things that people don't need? Granted, I say this from a middle-class perspective. Our family and friends don't need anything. I know that plenty of people do need lots of things. I also know there are good gifts for people who fortunately don't need things. A nice bottle of wine from France makes a good gift for my brother, and a gift certificate to my mother's favorite salon makes a nice gift for her. But the running around to get STUFF doesn't feel satisfying. Maybe I'm just a grinch.

Sunday felt a little different. We took the kids to a tree farm and picked out a nice little Christmas tree. That baby cost $48, then we spent a few more bucks at the gift shop, then a few more dollars on hot dogs and fresh cut french fries (yum). Later on, when the tree was decorated, I felt a little bit of the holiday spirit.

Then, today, I found a nice surprise in my office mailbox: two candy canes. How cute is this, one was a pink candy cane with Dora the Explorer all over it, the other one green with SpongeBob Squarepants all over it. And no card or note. Just somebody who decided to leave two candy canes in my mailbox. That made me happy. I thought to myself: "This makes more sense to me. Leaving fun little items for people without identifying yourself as the gift giver. This is good. Just thinking of someone, recognizing someone in some small way, and not looking for credit. That seems like the holiday spirit."

Well, hopefully I'll lighten up by Christmas. Having kids is supposed to automatically make you enjoy Christmas. And I am excited for my kids. But consumption has a funny way of making you feel empty inside. Anonymous gifts, however, might generate joy and spark some spirit. In any case, happy holidays. Did I really end with a cliche?