I'm Sorry I'm a Burden to You

Now that the semester has ended, there is time to catch up and reflect.

There was a moment in one of my classes when we talked about relationships.

It was my Social Psychology course.

I can't remember the context, but we arrived at the point of saying that in a relationship it feels horrible to be made to feel like a burden.

This was a course with mostly juniors and seniors.

After class I typed one sentence in my iPhone notes: "I'm sorry I'm a burden to you." It remains in my notes and I'm looking at it today.

There is no place for this sentence to go, other than this blog.

I like the idea of it as a poem.

I'm
sorry
I'm
a
burden
to
you

Or as a line in a play: "I'm sorry I'm a burden to you."

Or as the basis of a song.

Being honest, in our relationship history we have both probably made others feel like a burden and been made to feel like a burden.

In any direction, it doesn't feel good.

The end.

"Where Data is King and Jargon is Queen"

I don't want to lose track of the phrase "where data is king and jargon is queen," which appears on page 213 of This Is Not a Test by José Luis Vilson. I love that phrase. There are valuable uses for data and some amount of jargon and buzzwords is inevitable, but we need to remain critical and creative thinkers so that we don't automatically accept any new idea that comes along packaged in data and trendy language.

Throughout the book, Vilson emphasizes the importance of building relationships with students. We can introduce all the technology, accountability measures and evaluation systems we want, but what remains paramount in education is that we treat students as people, teach them with respect, and strive always to connect with them in ways that enhance the teaching and learning process.

I have a healthy respect for data but I am not a "datamaniac" (a term Vilson uses on page 184 that I like). Of course we can use data to help us understand how we can improve all parts of the teaching and learning process. But we need to be cautious about assigning magical powers to data. Data are not the be all end all.

Breaking Up By Text Message

Here's a sociological question: is it socially acceptable to break up by a text message? Occasionally I hear students comment on a relationship ending with a text message. I'm far removed from breaking up in the first place. If I break up at this point in my life, it's called a divorce. But let's talk about how people end relationships. Is it something that is supposed to happen face-to-face? People break up by phone calls, right? Is there a difference between breaking up with a phone call and breaking up with a text message? A text message sure seems cold and impersonal, but it makes sense if we keep in mind that breaking up is hard to do. Well, with due respect to Neil Sedaka, breaking up is much easier if we do it by text message, isn't it?

What are the rules about using a text message to break up? Is there any follow up required? Does the break up "stick"? Or, like the old Stylistics song says, it is just another case of "break up to make up" (gotta love any song that has a Wikipedia page).

Breaking up can get ugly fast. Many a Lifetime movie has been made about a break up gone bad. Is there such a thing as a good break up? Let's cut to the chase, people. How do we break up these days, and what do the techniques for breaking up tell us about relationship norms? How do people react to a break up by text message? Finally, generally speaking, what insights about our culture can we make if it is acceptable practice to break up with a text message?

Relationships: What's in it for me?

One of my favorite tunes from the last couple of years is "What's In It For?" by Avi Buffalo. The question posed throughout the song is "What's in it for me?" The cynical part of me loves that question and thinks that's the question that people have in mind when it comes to their relationships. When I last taught my Social Psychology course, I played this song and asked students if they think that people approach their relationships with the mindset of "What's in it for me?" I was surprised by how many students said yes. Many of my students believed that people do in fact enter and exit relationships based on what's in it for them. I used this song as a way of thinking about social exchange theory, which basically looks at relationships as a series of exchanges. A relationship supposedly means there is a lot of give and take (reciprocity), but social exchange theory suggests that people are much more interested in the take component. Simply put, if a person isn't getting enough, they are dissatisfied, and they might end the relationship. I think the Avi Buffalo song is an anthem for social exchange theory. What do you think: Do people approach their relationships primarily with a mindset of "What's in it for me?"

Here's the video: