So Far, The Tell Me What To Do App Gets Mixed Reviews

When Karen Jackson heard about the Tell Me What To Do App, she wanted it right away. "I've just never been good at making decisions," she admitted. "I figured it might help me with decisions both small and large." Karen reports that the app had an unexpected use: it picked the name of her first child. "I never would have thought an app would choose the name of my first born, but I just couldn't decide on a name for my daughter." The app picked Fortune. Does Karen like the name? "It took some getting used to," she acknowledged, "but I've come to love it and I think the app did a super job."

Joe Sinclair has found a practical use for the app. He uses it mainly to decide which television shows he should watch. "Used to be I couldn't decide between sports or politics. The app kept selecting MMA, something I'd never seen before. Now I love it!" MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) is something that he and his wife now watch together. "Joe and I could never reconcile our different tastes," his wife Shirley says, "but something about MMA just suits both of our tastes. Now I like to say that nachos and MMA are the secret to happiness." Well said!

But not everybody likes the Tell Me What To Do App. Megan Watson, a high school history teacher, occasionally strays from the state-mandated curriculum to teach history subjects of her own choosing. But considering the immense history ignored by her curriculum, she has trouble deciding how to strike out on her own. Unfortunately, though, the app hasn't picked any winners for her. "No matter what topic the app selects, my students are desperately bored and apathetic. I just wish the app could do a better job of choosing an exciting topic." Touche!

Franklin Powers, a gray-haired gentlemen who runs a convenience store, describes the app as "just okay." "It's like anything in life," Franklin says in a philosophical tone, "not all good, not all bad. Honestly, I find it's decision-making ability is similar to my own. You win some, you lose some." When I asked if he'll stick with the app, he paused, then said: "I think so. You've got to give this thing a chance. I figure with the law of averages and all, there's plenty of good decisions to come. I say, take me out of the equation." Good point, sir!

I talked to lots more folks about the app, so keep an eye on my reports. I haven't decided exactly how to discuss what I've found in my research, but I have a suspicion I just might use a certain app to help me out!

Broke and Famous

In the future there will be two categories of people: broke and famous.
79% of the population will be broke, 21% will be famous.
But that’s okay because everybody will have the chance to be famous.
Everyone will be monitored 24/7/365 and every action recorded permanently.
That’s how they will decide who gets to be famous.
It will have the intended benefit of ending crime.
(People will stop committing crime once they realize they will be caught and punished immediately. Even white-collar crime will be punished.)
The streets will also be totally clean because littering will bring immediate punishment.
At first people will bemoan the end of privacy but complaints will stop after people see how nice it is when there is no crime and the streets are clean. Plus there is the chance of being famous.
And it should be said that it won’t be horrible to be broke.
Basically the conditions will be tolerable enough so that nobody minds too much.
Everyone will be able to pay their rent and have enough to eat.
How we gonna eat? Just watch The Jetsons.
They will also require immunizations for everybody, free of charge.
Plus they are going to turn January into Equality Month. Everybody will have exactly the same amount of possessions and money for one month. It will take a lot of maneuvering but they can figure out how to do it.
So everyone will get to taste equality for 31 days.
Why January? Gotta start the New Year out right, right?
People will be rewarded with lots of cash if they demonstrate proficiency in another language.
They finally figured out that two languages are better than one.
Only one news channel will exist and it will be called HOTT News.
All the anchors and reporters and pundits and sportscasters and meteorologists will be models.
There won’t be any hate on HOTT News because it will replace all the other news channels that will lose ratings when they run out of ways to hate. (It turns out that hate has an expiration date.)
People will embrace the change because HOTT News is gonna make tolerance sexy.
Music will be pretty good too because they will ban lyrics.
So there won’t be any violent and misogynist songs.
Don’t worry, there will still be plenty of good music. It’s amazing what they can do with JAZZ.
(If you’re wondering what happens if people listen to songs with lyrics they already have, the answer is they will be punished immediately. Don’t worry, HOTT news will make censorship sexy.)
So there will be broke and famous people, no crime, clean streets, free immunizations, rent and food paid for, more multilingualism, censorship, and tolerance. It won’t be a perfect situation but it will be good enough. They finally figured out that if conditions are good enough and if beautiful people say everything is gonna be alright and people stand a decent chance of being famous then people will shut up.
The end.

Author's note: my attempt to use creative writing to glimpse the future.

The Tell Me What to Do App

Are you unable to make good decisions? Do you find it hard to get out of your own way? Is it impossible for you to make the right call? If so, you're in luck! The "Tell Me What to Do" app is available now and promises to be the hottest item in 2012.

Unhappy in a relationship, but don't know if you should end it? Or are you tired of being single and thinking of getting back with your ex? The app will tell you what to do! Unsure if you should tell friends and family that you're really a raging conservative who loves Glenn Beck books? Consult the tell me what to do app! Can't figure out if you should go shopping the day after Thanksgiving with the masses? Already planning to be a super consumer but not sure what to buy? No problem, the tell me what to do app will figure it out for you! Are you confused by people who aren't exactly like you? Don't know what to say to them? If so, the tell me what to do app provides an easy fix! Have you lost your moral compass? Are you lacking in ethics? No problem, the tell me what to do app is a master of knowing exactly what to do and when to do it!

Why bother with your own decisions when an app can make them for you? Imagine how much more efficient your life would be if you didn't have to worry about any life choices. The app can tell all of us what to do! Order now!