Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Make Smaller Menus 2020

I have decided to run for president. I feel good about my prospects. My campaign consists of two messages: (1) pay workers more and (2) make smaller menus.

The first message is of obvious importance and something that is easily achievable.

The second message is just something I thought of a moment ago while trying to figure out a place to have lunch today with my mom. There's a lot of chain restaurants in the area we're meeting up. Aside from the mediocrity of their products, something else these places have in common are giant menus with 453 possible food combinations. You know you can't do 453 things right. Make smaller menus. Win #1: they will take up less space on the table. Win #2: Maybe, just maybe, you can offer up a better product. Win #3: Fewer choices means more efficient decision-making, perhaps.

These messages combine, if you haven't already noticed. My running mate is a mathematician who will help me refine the following formula. Paying workers more $$ = more take home pay = more money available to eat out if one chooses + smaller menus = more elbow space at the table while perusing said menus = the goal of a decent meal to deal with all the other stresses and struggles of everyday life.

I'm Todd Schoepflin and I approve of this message.

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