Good Idea (Maybe) But the Execution Wasn't There

I tried something new in Introduction to Sociology yesterday. I used Postsecret.com as an example of how we don't reveal everything about ourselves to the people in our networks. I had already taught the basics about Erving Goffman's Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. I like the idea that social interaction is an "information game" in the sense that we strategically reveal some details but conceal others. We keep secrets from friends and family and there are things we avoid talking about.

In the class when I introduced Goffman, I emphasized the point that surely we don't tell people we know everything. But that doesn't mean we have to keep all our secrets. I find it fascinating that people use Postsecret.com as an outlet to share their secrets. It's an anonymous way to circulate a secret. Maybe it makes you feel better to unload your secret. Maybe you were itching to tell someone but couldn't trust anyone to keep your secret. So as a follow up to the class about Goffman, I showed a documentary about Postsecret.com and then had a brief discussion with students when it ended. The documentary at times feels like an advertisement for the site. But I like hearing people associated with the site give their perspective about secrets and I like the examples of secrets that are shown throughout the video. And I like how the video includes footage of college students going to live Postsecret events on campus (there are students who take to a microphone to share a secret in public).

But I didn't execute the discussion as successfully as I hoped. I counted on students having spontaneous reactions to the video. I figured they would offer insightful comments and that I could mostly play the role of moderator. But they were quiet (perhaps a Monday effect) and the few questions I did have planned didn't really spark an enthusiastic discussion. It was a reminder that I can never have enough discussion questions in store. When a class goes quiet, it's best to have plenty of questions ready or get them involved in a short writing exercise. Maybe I should have gone to the index cards to have them respond to the video. Well, a lot of teaching is trial and error. If I try this topic again, I need to be more creative in building a discussion around the video, and need to be better prepared if the topic is one that leaves them on the quiet side.

Nobody Has Sex (Thinking About Facebook Norms)

I don't have my own Facebook but I am aware of what happens in the network of Tina, my wife. She keeps me in the loop of things that friends and family post on her Facebook. So I see lots of pictures from people we know. Given our stage of life, it's mostly pictures of everyday family life. We see pictures of kids and pets and have a window into where people go out to eat and what they cook at home. There's also some political chatter and quite a bit of social commentary.

What is missing from these Facebook posts? Any talk about sex. It seems, unfortunately, that no one in my wife's social network is having sex. To be more precise, no one ever says anything about sex. One night my wife joked "I'm going to put on Facebook, 'Going to bed, but not going to sleep'" and we cracked up because even the slightest subtle reference to the possibility of engaging in sexual activity would breach Facebook norms (at least in her network).

I will go ahead and guess that talking about sex is not taboo in everybody's social network. Surely there are folks who air out their sexual laundry on Facebook. But for those who belong to a network where the norm is to avoid any reference to sexual activity, it would make for a good breaching experiment to post "I have the best sex life ever" or "Haven't had sex in forever" or really anything that has to do with having sex.

This post is not an awkward invitation to tell your Facebook friends about your sex life. Rather, this topic is a reminder that life is an information game, to paraphrase Erving Goffman from the introduction of The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. We share information about ourselves but not all our information. This is part of the process of face-to-face interaction. It's also the case on Facebook--where we tell people our story but not our full story--a point effectively conveyed here by Nathan Jurgenson.