it just stresses me out so much less

it just stresses me out so much less to make dinner at 12:46.

for years i tried to time it out and have everything ready at official dinner time.

plated with preferences accommodated.

now with the kids being older and on the run it makes sense to make meals ahead of time with less pressure to eat together as a family unit.

i wasn't present when the kids would be in the kitchen talking to me asking questions as i was trying to cook while listening.

we still eat together a lot but not all the time which is fine.

i'm more present and a better listener when food is ready for them.

food and nourishment is love at anytime.

i watch people on tiktok meal prep effortlessly or so it appears.

"here's all my lunches for the week" looking pretty without breaking a sweat.

that ain't me.

i do the best i can the best i can.

chicken parm 

a family favorite

ft. cheater sauce

How to Give Unsolicited Advice

Part of our front yard doesn't look great right now. We had drainage installed last week. I've been working to make it look better. One of my favorite neighbors was walking his dog this morning as I finished putting some work in. Over the years he's seen me play catch with one of my kids and he's complimented my son on how he throws and catches. I've always liked his positive small talk with me. He's told me his kids are older and occasionally he's nostalgic about when his kids were younger. 

Today, I pointed to the mess on our lawn and told him I've been working on it. He paused. "I'm an advice seeker," he said. Another pause. "But if I could give one piece of advice...when you put down grass seed I'd put some peat moss over it. I speak from experience." He went on to briefly explain that a little peat moss will keep the moisture in and help the grass grow faster. That was it. About 15 seconds. I sincerely thanked him for good advice. Honestly, he could've said just about anything after opening with "I'm an advice seeker." I might borrow this. Brilliant. I believe him when he implies he's not one to be in the business of giving advice. 

I generally don't care for unsolicited advice, mostly because of how people tend to introduce their advice. "Why don't you....." is an opening phrase that's always irritated me. It's often accompanied by a condescending manner. But in a case like this, the person carefully and thoughtfully offered a few words of advice based on similar experience. That works for me. I appreciate help. I'm not too proud to take advice. It's all in how you give it.

(Not) Instilling Confidence

A recent observation at a baseball game of 13 and 14 year old players. Late in the game, close score. The team that's losing is batting. Soundtrack would be Billy Joel "Pressure" if it were the 1980s. Point is, kid at the plate is already feeling the pressure of the situation. Kid is way down in their lineup, so apparently not one of their stronger hitters. He swings and misses. Coach (positioned at third base) hollers "You're not gonna hit anything looking at me!" A way of saying he pulled his head and wasn't in a good hitting position. Fair point BUT that struck me as a very unhelpful thing to say. As a not super strong hitter in a pressure situation, making him feel like he did something wrong isn't likely to boost his confidence.

I sound judgy, I acknowledge that. I'm certain I've said many unhelpful and unproductive things while coaching kids for the past 5 years. Just recently I saw a video of someone suggesting coaches avoid saying "You're due!" to a kid who's been struggling at the plate. It sounds supportive...suppose a player is in a mini slump and hasn't been hitting. You say "You're due" which might sound encouraging BUT the person in the video points out saying "You're due" reminds the kid he hasn't been hitting!!! I know I've used this phrase before and almost used it *this week* until I caught myself. 

I like when coaches keep it simple and stick to phrases like "You got this." A guy I coached with for a long time made a great change to his approach last year when a kid would be at the plate down in the count with 2 strikes. Usually coaches say things like "shorten up" when a kid has 2 strikes. It's not an aggressive mentality. Last year the coach changed his chatter in those situations to instead say "Stay aggressive" or "Attack" and I love that. I've since borrowed that and holler that when a kid is in that tough situation. "Stay on the attack" is a waaay different message than saying something that will make a kid feel like he's doing something wrong. Kids are already their own harshest critics. This is a reminder to myself and fellow coaches and parents to not make them feel worse about their performance. 

Playing the Mini Crossword Together

I'm in a group text with four buddies I've known since the mid 1990s. We've always been competitive. When we get together for reunions we've competed in Bocce, Pickleball, Wiffle ball, and the art/sport of Talking Shit. We've mellowed out in middle-age. Currently we post our scores on the New York Times mini crossword to our chat. We've competed every day in May. For fun I've started keeping track of the daily winner. It's a fun way to stay in touch. Robert Putnam wrote about the decline of social capital in Bowling Alone. I like how texting and sharing crossword times is a form of social capital in our peer group. We celebrate the accomplishments of our kids and post pics when we travel. It's easily a group of guys I could've lost touch with years ago, but texting and new ways of having fun have helped us stay together. 

Sociological Song - Love Canal

Having been born and raised in Niagara Falls, NY, I've always been interested in Love Canal. Fortunately I lived in neighborhoods not impacted by the Love Canal disaster caused by chemicals dumped by Hooker Chemical Corporation. It wasn't until this year, at the age of 51, that I learned there's a song called Love Canal, by Flipper. 

Last month, PBS aired "Poisoned Ground: The Tragedy at Love Canal." 

Here are some articles and another video if you're not familiar with Love Canal...

From homemaker to hell-raiser in Love Canal 

Residents say Love Canal chemicals continue to make them sick (PBS News Hour story from 2018) 

Lois Gibbs Love Canal Papers

Extraordinary Lives - Lois Gibbs (11 minutes video) 

Keeping Score

As a baseball obsessed person, one of my favorite things to do is keep score during games my kid plays. I've helped coach his teams since he was 8. He's now 13 and I'm still around helping a bit. One way I contribute is keeping score, the old school way. It's funny, a few kids this year on his school team looked at my scorebook and asked "What's that?" They had no idea. They had only seen GameChanger which is the new school way of keeping score using a phone. I need a physical book on which I can see everything all at once. GameChanger is cool and a great new tool. I just prefer the tried and true way of keeping score. The only problem with the classic book is that rain will present a major challenge of maintaining a dry book. Pencil and paper hates rain, you dig. Other than that, it's a joy for me to sit on a bucket and score all aspects of the game and instantly be able to answer questions like "What's the score? What inning is it? Where are they [batter on the other team] in the lineup? What did he [batter on the other team] do last time?" I'm not always on point, occasionally I miss something, and sometimes I'm not sure whether I should score something an error or hit. But whether something is an error is a judgment call that has nothing to do with the way one keeps score. For the school baseball team, there's another dad using GameChanger and so we help each other out and in a way it provides a form of inter-rater reliability! It's a good mix of old school scorekeeping (relatively non-McDonaldized) and new school (relatively McDonaldized). 

On Hitting (and Missing)

What's the difference between being a hot hitter and being in a slump? Sometimes it seems small and a matter of luck. When you're going good teammates and coaches say "stay hot" and your confidence builds. The ball finds open space. A player loses their footing or makes an error. You just keep getting on base and feel like you can do no wrong.

It's kinda like teaching. I say this after a "mid" year in the classroom. I was okay. Fine. Sometimes pretty good. Other times I just couldn't find it. In batting terms I probably hit around .250. I've made up this rule that a good day of teaching is when 2/3 of my classes go well. 3/3 is a great day. I can live with 1/3. 0 for 3 is a horrible day and stays with me for a while. The semester average was probably that I got a hit once every four classes. I didn't always strike out the other times. Maybe I grounded out or a kid made a good play on me. There's a lot of factors in performance be it in a classroom or between the lines of a playing field.

I'm helping out the coach of a school baseball team this season. Some of the kids are going great at the plate, a lot of them are not. It makes sense. They haven't had a lot of reps. They spend all offseason inside doing tee work and hitting off machines. You can't replicate the ball coming off a kid's hand or how a pitcher effectively moves the ball around the plate and switches up speeds and pitches. You have to stand in the batter's box, be judicious with pitch selection, get your timing right, swing hard, connect, and even with good pitch selection, good balance, good timing and a sweet swing the ball might still find a kid's glove. 

In hitting, as with teaching, sometimes only a minor correction is required. In batting your timing might be slightly off. Your head movement might be off. Your pitch selection might need improvement. Confidence usually requires a boost. Be careful not to overcorrect. Same as in teaching. After a bad class (or classes), confidence needs a boost. You need a good class. Participation helps. Good content helps. As with hitting, be careful not to overcorrect. Expect the ups and downs. Keep your head up when you're in a slump. Keep grinding. It'll come your way soon.