There Is No Empirical Evidence That This Summer Will Hurt Like a Mother

I think we all know there's a song on the radio that doesn't make any sense. There is a clean version and an explicit one. The clean version keeps popping up when I drive around town. I can't make it through the entire song, nor can I actually summon the courage to read all of the lyrics for proper content analysis, but as a trained social scientist I am comfortable making the conclusion that no empirical evidence exists to warrant the assertion that this summer will hurt like a mother. Those fellas can continue making trillions of dollars but just know it is under false pretenses.